Dear boys

Dear boys,
before you jump into any conclusion,
please 'investigate' first.

Have you ever wonder how much effort that a girl from all girls school have to put in order to talk with you?

Have you ever wonder how many boys that she really talk to?

Have you ever wonder why is she talking to you in the first place?

Have you ever wonder why is she being so nice to you?

Living and studying in all girls school for five years making me a bit very awkward with them, boys. I didn't really talked with boys back then, wait, I mean, I didn't encounter any activity that needs me to communicate with boys during that time. It was all done by girls. Not until I was in form 3, whereby I went to a camp but that's it. Maybe I did contact with one or two of them, but just contacting so that the friendship built will remain. Being an upper form student, I can count how many male friends I actually gain during my stay in boarding school. I mean here is that, male friends that I can really talk to and contact comfortably is only *wait, counting* that guy, this guy, hmm, 5 altogether. See?

When I'm in the college, I feel that I can die due to a very high degree of fright towards boys. Yes, I admit that. Boys somehow are very scary, in my perception. They're much different from the boys I knew when I was still a little girl, not knowing the world. Maybe, I developed androphobia? Slightly I can say. Once, I took my food and ate at the WISPI instead of the dining hall because I was too afraid to eat there. There were lot of boys as compared to girls at that time. The ratio. I even hope that there will be all girls college somewhere in here.

I am trying my best, gathering all my might so that I can talk with you boys since you're my batch mates. Know what, I think that it will be a waste not knowing my batch mates, maybe I was in a boarding school before where we really treasure each other in our batch. But, not all of the boys I have talked to. Only few of them. Even in the IB programme itself, the boys I can have this conversation are my classmates, and some from other classes. So dear boys in my class, I can be very talkactive with you guys because I find it is very comfortable. Even the A-Level students, there are only a few of them that I can really speak with. Not that much. The rest of them? Never talk with. Oh please, I also didn't talk with the male seniors at all.

While walking to the college from the hostel, I always wish that the girls should be given some other path, differently from the boys. I just hate to encounter them from the opposite way or having them walking behind me. Even after a year. When this happens, I always throw my gaze on the other side, or at least, looking to the ground. Somehow, certain my male batchmate told me that I should smile if I met them rather than looking to the ground. Know what, I can't read their mind. What if I smile at you guys, and you will be thinking I am having crush on you? Seriously, I don't want that to happen. It's better for me to prevent rather than starting the rumors. In the Holy Quran also teaches us to lower our gaze.

I'm being very nice to you guys not because I'm having hidden agenda or what so ever. It just, I think that you deserve to be treated nicely. About teasing the other girls, and not teasing me. I'm very glad about that. It's really uncomfortable you know? To be teased by boys. Constantly. I pity those girls. When I tried to back up, you said that I am being jealous, my my, where did you get this philosophy? Bunch of thanks for not teasing me, making my life more relax and wonderful, happy all day long :) Furthermore, talking and having conversation as well as enjoying not-so-center-brain-time with you guys doesn't mean that I'm trying to flirt. We're friends after all. Like I said, I gather all my might to do so, in order that the awkward moment will not arise between us, friends of different gender!

So boys, know the girl well first, even you're somehow kinda get along well together, before making any assumption about her. Outside, she's totally different from her inner side. Here, I'm talking about myself. It's okay, I'm not angry, just to make you realize, if and only if you read this post. Cheers!

sincerely,

ilhamnadia